The Digest: No one’s coming to the party

January 15, 2025

I can’t get over a blinking paranoia that I am yapping the cartilage off innocent, well-meaning ears.

It started this summer under an outdoor tent for a college graduation party. The weather was clear, and the bartender served purple martinis named after the high school mascot of the graduates: a Crusader Cosmo. (Note: liquors that turn cocktails purple warrant your immediate skepticism, lest you want to vomit in the grass next to your aunt’s white jeans.)

This family friend comes from a family of pure saints. I’m sure they wouldn’t like me to title them as flawless, because that is what saints say. People in this family never throw a punch or jab at punchline at your insecurities or vomit up a Crusader Cosmo next to Aunt Ellen.

Unfortunately, their goodness makes me think I’m great.

If you are not a saint: first, the hard work of recognizing your flaws is done. Sin it up from here! The hardest thing is to see your own flaws, which makes hanging out with saints deceptive. There is nothing…